Stages of diagnosis acceptance

Denial

Denial is the worst stage for a child with special needs. Early intervention is critical and if a parent is unwilling to believe they have a child with special needs crucial time is lost. Some parents never get out of this stage and the only one that loses is that poor child. It is a parent’s job to be their child’s advocate and that can’t happen until they come to terms with the disability.

Anger

Once in the second stage, the parents recognize that denial cannot continue. In this stage, the child starts getting the crucial help they need but oftentimes the parents alienate themselves from their friends, family and oftentimes each other. During this stage, there are many stresses on the marriage and sometimes this anger will lead to divorce. The parents need to get past this anger while creating a strong support network. If the parents stick together, their bond will become stronger and the marriage will flourish.

Bargaining

The third stage involves the hope that the parents can somehow cure their child. Usually, this involves praying to a higher power, “Just let my child be like other children and I will do whatever you want”. What the parents need to learn is the joys of being special. Every child has unique abilities and skills. Through therapies, practice and trial and error you will find what makes your child special.

Depression

During the fourth stage, the parents start to blame themselves. They think they did something to cause their child to have a disability. Instead of blaming the world and each other they blame themselves. Trying to cheer someone up on this stage is very hard. Common sense is thrown out the window. The individual needs to realize on their own that they are not to blame.

Acceptance

In this last stage, parents can start to dream again. They buckle down and do the hard work it takes to raise a special needs child but now they also see the beauty in it. They see their child as they are and not defined by their preconceived ideas. This child has talents and abilities far beyond what they ever imagined. While they might struggle at social interaction or sports they might flourish somewhere else. My son’s brain works in pictures and has become my personal navigation system in the car. He directs me through the city with an ease I still don’t have myself. He also has become a great swimmer. While he was not able to keep up in traditional team sports in the water he has the advantage. Also, unlike many of life’s losses, raising a child with special needs is an ongoing commitment. It would not be unusual to run through these stages more than once as life happens!! This doesn’t mean you are a horrible parent, it means you are a human being·